Recipe: Bad*ss Motherb*king Cranberry Bars
As we enter the new year, with cranberry season well behind us, I wanted to share one last colorful, holiday inspired recipe to help keep your spirits up in 2021.
Let it be known that baking is not one of my fortes. In the latest NYT crossword, I couldn’t even identify “flour” as a “key ingredient in cake”. That being said, I’m fortunate enough to have some special people in my life that are excellent bakers. One in particular is my Mother-in-Law. If she isn’t winning her age group in a marathon, hiking Acadia National Park, or keeping her college Nursing students in line, you may catch a glimpse of her baking some delicious goodies (usually at the crack of dawn before she heads off on her daily run). Making her a total bad*ss. One of the goodies she is known to whip up are her famous Cranberry Bars, or as I have dubbed them: Bad*ss Motherb*king Cranberry Bars.
These bars are bursting with a unique balance of flavors - tartness from the cranberries, sweetness from the caramel, and savoriness from the oats - while tricking you into thinking these are healthy enough to have for breakfast. Plus, these are so easy to prepare that even someone as incompetent at baking as me has a chance to contribute to dessert. Due to an overwhelmingly positive critical response, my husband and I now pay tribute to this recipe by fearlessly baking it and sharing broadly.
This recipe is dedicated to all the bad*ss women and mothers fearlessly navigating life and striking with strength regardless of what’s thrown at them. Next time someone tells you can’t have it all, roll up your sleeves, make these Bad*ss Motherb*king Bars and drop those suckers on their doorstep. Because, of course it’s Covid times, and we wouldn’t want to shove it in their face.
RECIPE
Elevated sweet and savory cranberry oat bars, bursting with flavors and nutrients for breakfast or dessert.
☺ Mood desired: Granola-like bars for a morning boost, or more nutrient brownies for healthful dessert.
✔ Good for: A less messy, quick dessert for a large group, or to distribute to your local community.
☯ Goes well with: Your morning coffee/tea, or evening digestif.
Yield: 15-20 bars
INGREDIENTS:
| 1 cup fresh cranberries |
| 2 ¼ cups of flour |
| 2 cups of oats |
| ½ cup sugar |
| ½ cup of brown sugar |
| ½ teaspoon baking soda |
| 1 cup margarine or butter melted |
| 1 cup caramel ice cream topping |
| Optional: Additional Berries of your choice (e.g. blueberries) |
| Optional: Crushed nuts (e.g. walnuts, almonds) |
| Optional: Added Sweeteners (e.g. chocolate chips, dates) |
DIRECTIONS:
Heat oven to 350°F
Using a mixing bowl, combine 2 cups of flour, oats, sugar, brown sugar and baking soda. Add in margarine or butter, mixing well. Reserve 1 cup of this crumb mixture for topping. Take remaining mixture and press on the bottom of a 13x9 inch baking pan. Bake for 15 minutes.
In the meantime, mix caramel topping and remaining ¼ cup of flour (to thicken).
After 15 minutes, remove baking pan from the oven, and lightly press cranberries (and any optional items) into the crust. Drizzle caramel mixture over berries. Lastly, top with the 1 cup of reserved crumb mixture.
Bake an additional 20 minutes or until lightly browned on top.
Let cool for at least 15-20 minutes before cutting into bars.
BACKSTORY AND LESSONS LEARNED
Beyond the bad*ssness of these bars, this recipe also taught my husband and I a key lesson about trying to be something you’re not. Specifically, these are oat bars, NOT cookies.
While living in Boston, we attended our friend’s annual Holiday Cookie Contest. Obviously, a baking detractor like myself is only attending these kind of parties for drinks and good conversation, and I would typically resort to bringing store bought cookies. I even once had to rely on an Adult Novelty Store to find last minute cookies. Needless to say, I wasn’t going for the “W” at these contests.
One particular year my holiday spirit (or was it my competitive spirit?) kicked in and I decided to put in some effort. But only some. I looked for the simplest recipe possible, which would require little-to-no baking, and found Ree Drummond’s (Pioneer Woman, for all you Food Network enthusiasts), Chocolate Peanut Butter Cup Cookies: Peanut butter cookie dough with Reeses peanut butter cups on top (only 2 ingredients!). I convinced myself I had baked a masterpiece, and for the first time was bringing “homemade” cookies. Thank you for hooking it up Pioneer Woman!
Meanwhile, my husband, who is much better at following the rules, decided he’d repurpose the famous Bad*ss Cranberry Bars into cookies. Seeking a cookie like circular formation, he molded the mixture into a mini muffin tin. In theory, great idea but it was a risky move changing the identity of an iconic bar. Did this bar truly want to be a cookie?
Cookie Contest day, I brought my simplest possible “homemade” cookies and my husband brought his well-earned homemade cookies. Votes were tallied, and the 2 ingredient cookies placed 2nd! I was beaten out only by an authentic heirloom Chocolate Chip cookie recipe passed down by the baker’s grandmother (it was later revealed that this was actually the recipe on the back of Nestle’s chocolate chips). Although the cranberry “cookies'' received praise, we realized that forcing the bar into cookie format (crispy all around, with not much bite left in the middle) just didn’t live up to the square bar with the perfect balance of heft, crispiness, and moistness.
💡 LOYALIST INSIDER TIP Moral of the story is that these bars do not need to be cookies. In fact, my tip is to add your own personality to them with optional ingredients (mentioned in recipe above) like other berries, nuts, or chocolate. They’re flexible for every occasion and can handle whatever comes at them.
Thank you to my Mother-in-Law for sharing these bars with the world and embodying why they truly deserve the denomination of Bad*ss Motherb*king Cranberry Bars!
Prepping the bars with additional blueberries and crushed almonds